Boys and Suicide: How to Spot the Signs to Prevent Tragedy
No parent wants to say the words suicide and their son’s name in the same sentence.
It is a difficult topic to consider and yet, we must.
More than just suicide prevention, we must talk often about all aspects of mental health. Remember that just as talking about teen pregnancy prevention won’t make teens get pregnant, talking about suicide will not cause them to do it. Here’s why...
The statistics are grim - and getting worse. Suicide is now the second leading cause of death for youth ages 15 to 19 (only behind car-crash fatalities).
Boys are 4 times more likely to die of suicide than girls.
The suicide rate is on the rise for ages 15-19 - growing by 30% in just 8 years.
SILENCE is not the answer.
If you care deeply about the well-being of your son and his friends, it is vital that you:
Understand what leads to suicide attempts and successful completion
Teach your son that he isn’t ‘ratting’ on a friend if he sees concerning behavior
Talk about this epidemic as community and raise awareness of warning signs
Suicide rocks families, schools, and communities. Friends and family may say how well adjusted he seemed, how much promise his future held, that he was so well-liked, and that the suicide came as a complete surprise. They are left confused and hurting.
But more often than not there are warning signs - do you know how to spot them?
Most boys who attempt or complete a suicide have experienced a “significant life crisis” in the weeks previous. A romantic break-up, an athletic or academic failure, or an embarrassing altercation with the law.
To their young, undeveloped brains, these incidents can seem overwhelming and life-altering, with no resolution possible. Because many of these young men have never experienced failure, these normal mis-steps of growing up can seem epic, with a sense of failure that seems irreparable. Allowing him to learn from his failures from an early age helps him learn to navigate these normal ups and downs of life.
More warning signs are changes in his sleep and eating patterns, his friends, his hygiene, and/or his device usage.
His “lifeline” is more than just his family.
Your son’s phone is his connection to his friends. Remember that taking it away isolates him even further and may give him more time to amplify and repeat his negative thinking.
While his phone can be his connection to his peers, it can also be the platform where his mistakes play out quickly and dramatically in front of “the world” - with no recovery possible that he can see. For the impulsive boy (and they are and that’s normal) suicide becomes an escape from social and family embarrassment.
Monitoring his social media feeds can feel intrusive, yet many parents and professionals recognize, after the fact, clues that were posted pointing to his potentially suicidal actions.
Unfortunately, if your son has gotten the idea to die by suicide, the internet provides the “how-to” manual, offering many ways to complete a suicide.
Listen to your gut - if something doesn’t seem quite right - it likely isn’t.
Having a conversation about suicide is never easy but there are ways to make it easier. The car provides a safe place to have difficult conversations like this. He doesn’t have to look at you, pauses aren’t as awkward, and there are plenty of distractions. You may not get the conversation from him that you wish for but he will know that you care, that you’re listening, and that you love him - a solid place to start.
Asking direct questions about suicide can feel scary yet it may help him immensely to know that you ‘get’ how he might be feeling.
Do not be afraid to ask these questions, developed by mental health professionals, to screen for the potential of suicide:
Have you wished you were dead or wished you could go to sleep and not wake up?
Have you actually had any thoughts about killing yourself? If the loved one answers “yes” to question 2, ask questions 3, 4, 5 and 6. If the person answers “no” to question 2, go directly to question 6.
Have you thought about how you might do this?
Have you had any intention of acting on these thoughts of killing yourself, as opposed to you’ve had the thoughts but you definitely would not act on them?
Have you started to work out or worked out the details of how to kill yourself? Do you intend to carry out this plan?
Always ask question 6: In the past three months, have you done anything, started to do anything, or prepared to do anything to end your life?
If he is actively suicidal, go immediately to a hospital that has an adolescent behavioral center or call 911.
Discussing topics like depression, anxiety, and other aspects of mental health are just as important - and should be just as common place - as talking about teen pregnancy prevention and wearing seatbelts.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, there are resources for you by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visiting suicidepreventionlifeline.org.